As soon as the physical therapist came up to me in the hallway at the end of last week, my defenses were already up. It really didn’t matter what words came out of her mouth. I already didn’t want to hear it. I know she was just doing her job, asking me clarification questions about a patient’s ability to bear weight on their broken leg, but I was irritated. Then ashamed because I was irritated.
That’s what I call crispy. A word I originally heard years ago in recovery rooms, a term that means my nervous system is crackling and smoke whisping out of my ears. It’s irritability on steroids. Yup. That’s what I was feeling. Crispy. Dried out. Emotionally exhausted. I was manifesting one of the early signs of burnout. My desire for interaction with staff and patients alike kept getting smaller as each hour of the day progressed.
The last time I felt this way—crispy—was back in 2020 during the first wave of the pandemic. It wasn’t an easy time for anyone working in healthcare, but we did what we had signed up to do. Be in service. I wasn’t sober yet at the time either, which made my intolerance to stress even worse. But that was 2020 and this is 2026. I’m in a much healthier place now, working for an organization that I truly love, caring for patients in a hospital that runs smoothly, and supported by leadership for the first time in my career.
So why I am feeling crispy? Well, it may have something to do with my new work schedule. Since late December I am working longer days, averaging 10 hours, caring for in between 12 to 18 patients, along with the additional administrative responsibilities that come with my new role as Inpatient Rehabilitation Medical Director. It’s a leadership role I’ve had before in my previous job, but there’s still a lot for me to learn. After 6 weeks of working this 10 hour a day schedule—Monday through Friday of course, I’m not a resident any longer—I am then scheduled to have two weeks off in a row. Time for traveling, writing, and reading, which is a much healthier restorative cocktail.
Except that I haven’t yet had that two weeks off, for multiple reasons outside of my control. Plus, the rehabilitation hospital has been very busy, with multiple admissions and discharges every day. Combine that with the types of patients I am caring for, and it’s a recipe for early burnout. Currently I am treating patients on the traumatic brain injury unit. Patients who, in addition to impaired brain function from their accidents, have acute pain from their broken bones, as well as emotional dysregulation due to co-existing mental health disorders. No wonder I’ve been crispy.
I have been keeping up with my usual self-care routines to prevent burnout: sleeping at least 7-8 hours per night, exercising at least 3 times a week, spending time with loved ones, daily prayer, meditation, and gratitude journaling. I have been doing all I can to care for my physical and emotional well being, and yet, I couldn’t stop my crispiness nor the spiraling thoughts in my head. Did I make a mistake agreeing to do this new directorship role? Am I cut out for this?
I got through the day by setting some much needed boundaries. I eliminated some meetings I really didn’t need to attend, and I made a DO NOT DISTURB UNLESS IT’S AN EMERGENCY sign to attach to my computer while doing my required patient documentation. The afternoon was thankfully quieter, and I was able to leave after my 10 hours of work and even get to the Orange Theory gym for a great workout.
Fast forward five days and while I am in the VERY hot city of Phoenix, Arizona, my nerves have finally cooled off. I’ve had this four day retreat on my calendar for many months, with women I have traveled with previously to places such as Costa Rica, Italy, and Mexico. I met one of the retreat leaders early one morning for coffee and we talked about our creative endeavors. We listened to each other as we cut and pasted in our logbooks and art journals. It was restorative, and just the beginning of a retreat that I know deep down will fill up my cup.
I cannot promise others or even myself that I won’t get crispy again. But what I can promise is that I will recognize it in the early stages, before I internally combust. I’ve got lots more care to give to patients and leadership skills to develop before I retire some day. As long as I have these episodes of time off with intermittent retreats sprinkled in, I can stay emotionally balanced.
How often do you feel crispy at your work? What do you do to cool off?